If I had grown up in a third world country being alone on Thanksgiving day might not hurt so bad but after enjoying years feasting and get-togethers, do I have to say more.

I need help and I really don't know where to go. I can't walk and I can only use one arm, my vision is going and the one person has been able to help me now has really bad arthritis.

Now I know I am not the only one, what I am looking for is for someone to help me navigate governmental programs so that I could have a place on my own. 11 years ago I was in a nursing home and that was bad, this is getting really close. I can't go out because I live on the third floor of a non-elevated building.

I do not expect anyone to respond to this blog but if you do what you tell me where I could go for help. I was thinking about hiring someone to make phone calls and write letters.

I'm beginning to stress out so I have to be careful right now. I just want to say that I've had a tough life and never wanted to question why it happened to me. But for the first time I am questioning why it keeps on happening. When I was a kid anytime I really wanted something I would only say that I didn't want it because that might be the only chance for me to get it. just a few days ago I almost started to start wishing the opposite again.

If you have read this far thank you.

Goodnight.

I use a voice recognition program that seems to be going wild and in trying to reply to some of your messages a Lulu book offer keeps popping up.

In reading my past post I cannot believe how much I really did say.A social worker did come and showed me a webpage site with lots of phone numbers on it, then she went on her happy way not realizing I can't speak on the phone for hours. I told that concern to my nurse this morning and she said that she would speak to the social worker about it. But when I consider that when I move I will lose my visiting home doctor, possibly all my aides, my dentist, my chiropractor, my acupuncturists all people seeing for almost 10 years. Is this another one of my bad choices? You see I do take responsibility for my bad choices. I would sure love to have a friend.

That's what I need a real friend.

I can't think of anything more to say without falling apart.

And I so unlovable?

Goodnight.