But I don't have any privacy. I need to bleed. The holidays are coming up and I don't know how I'll be able to deal with. Plus I need to make another decision about my caregiving agency. New York city is one of the best places in this country to be ill and poor but things are changing a little bit and I need to make a decision. I asked my doctor, I asked my nurse, I asked my occupational therapist, and they all say the same thing. The new agency is good but who knows how it will work out for me. I am so confused. They all say the same thing, it's a good organization and lots of people have joined and some people have left it. So tomorrow I'll try to reach them again.

I'm using my voice recognition software which of course I usually do but I'm not going to do any corrections. I wanted to blog. It's like blog validates your opinions. It is one of the things that led to my divorce and to many arguments with my former husband now and that is, he doesn't respect my life feelings or intelligence and doesn't validate my feelings as a person.

It's not all his fault, I let him do it, it was all I had ever known. Growing up without love, without someone saying you're doing a good job or you can do that led me to take the proverbial bull by the horns and storm through my life. Now I am unable to storm through and have found myself to be a sniveling, indecisive little person.

It was supposed to be different.

Goodnight.